Why I Still Share a Room with My Child — And Why That’s Okay

Helping Moms Trust Their Instincts Over Outside Noise

In many Western households, there’s pressure to encourage early independence in children — especially when it comes to sleep. Parents are often told that their child should be in their own room by a certain age or that room-sharing past infancy is “coddling.”

But the truth is, these beliefs are more cultural than scientific.

Room-sharing — where a child sleeps in the same room (not necessarily the same bed) as a parent — is practiced around the world and supported by research as a healthy, emotionally attuned choice. If you're a parent choosing to keep your child close at night, you’re not holding them back — you’re giving them a foundation of trust, security, and emotional resilience.

Emotional Security Builds Independence

Children thrive when their emotional needs are met consistently. One of those needs is feeling safe — especially during the night, when fears, separation anxiety, or overstimulation from the day may surface.

Room-sharing supports:

• A secure parent-child attachment

• Reduced nighttime anxiety

• Emotional regulation and resilience

• A strong foundation for independence later

  
  

Source: Mileva-Seitz et al., 2011, Journal of Developmental & Behavioral Pediatrics. https://journals.lww.com/jrnldbp/Abstract/2011/10000/Parenting_Behaviors_During_Nighttime_Caregiving.3.aspx

A Global Perspective: Room-Sharing is Normal

In many non-Western cultures, room-sharing well into childhood is not only accepted — it’s expected. In places like Japan, India, and many Indigenous communities, children sleep in close proximity to family until they naturally grow into independence.

This closeness nurtures:

• A sense of belonging

• Family connectedness

• Nighttime security

• Emotional development through co-regulation

In contrast, Western ideals often prioritize independence early — sometimes before the child is developmentally ready.

Room-Sharing Can Improve Sleep Quality

It’s a common belief that children (and parents) sleep better in separate rooms. However, studies have found the opposite in many cases. Proximity to a caregiver can help a child fall asleep faster, sleep longer, and experience fewer night waking.

Source: Paul et al., 2017, Pediatrics. https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/140/1/e20170885/38803/Room-Sharing-and-Infant-Sleep

Trusting Your Parenting Rhythm

Room-sharing is not about dependence — it’s about connection. Children who feel safe and seen tend to explore the world with more confidence during the day. They come back to their safe base at night to recharge, knowing they’re emotionally supported.

What helps one child feel secure may be different for another, and that’s okay. Parenting is not one-size-fits-all. Trusting your child’s needs and your own intuition is key.

Addressing Common Concerns

• “Aren’t you keeping your child from becoming independent?” No. True independence grows from secure attachment, not forced separation. When a child knows they can rely on their caregiver, they develop confidence to navigate the world on their own terms.

• “How do you maintain your relationship with your spouse?” Intimacy and connection are cultivated in many ways — not just in a shared bedroom. Couples who communicate openly and creatively can nurture both their relationship and their role as parents. Room-sharing doesn’t eliminate connection — it invites balance.

Breaking the Cycle of Pressure and Guilt

For many of us, the pressure to “let them cry it out” or “move them to their own room” comes from generational expectations — not from what’s actually best for the child. When we parent differently, it can bring up discomfort in others. But those reactions aren’t about our child’s well-being — they’re often about unresolved narratives from the past.

It takes strength to choose a gentle, connected path — especially when it goes against mainstream opinions. But it’s in these quiet decisions that generational cycles are healed, and emotionally resilient children are raised.

Final Thoughts

If you’re room-sharing with your child past infancy, and it feels right for your family, you are not alone — and you are not wrong. You’re parenting with intention, listening to your child, and honoring your natural rhythm as a family.

Let’s encourage each other to parent from wisdom, not pressure. Let’s raise children who feel seen, safe, and supported — even at night.

Because when we give our children emotional security, we give them the strength to grow.